Is your marriage sustainable?

I was reading the NYT's Well column this morning and found myself drawn to a post on The Sustainable Marriage. We seem to be once again entering marriage-season and a couple of good friends have announced engagements and wedding plans. I'm naturally thrilled that these friends have found the person they want to share their lives with, and I'm definitely looking forward to dancing at their weddings. However, (and this is not at all a comment on these friends' relationships, it's more a reflection of how my mind tends to follow certain well-worn paths) I'm always a little concerned about the focus we as a society (and the wedding industry) places on weddings while all but ignoring the marriage that will emerge from these parties. While planning Adam's and my wedding, I was as guilty as the next person of wanting a beautiful day, good food and a great party (and frizz-free curls, let's just be honest here). However, whether because we were engaged for such a long time or because we're apt to talk everything nearly to death, we also spent a lot of time talking about the kind of marriage we wanted to have after the ceremony and reception passed into the realm of happy memories.

What I liked about this quiz and the accompanying article was the discussion about what we look for in a marriage. A good or "sustainable" marriage, according to the article, is a partnership that allows both people to grow as individuals, learn new things and feel good about themselves. In short, a sustainable marriage is just as much about the individual as it is about the partnership. I like the equal emphasis placed on "individual" and "partner." It seems like so many of the articles I read about marriage focus on the fear of losing oneself in a relationship or the fear of growing apart. The quiz seemed a tad too simplistic to serve as a genuine assessment tool, but as a quick, stick-your-finger-in-the-air style barometer, I think it does the job rather well.

What do you think? Do you have a "Sustainable Marriage" or relationship? Does your relationship allow you to "self-expand"? Would you use this quiz or should it be consigned to the trashcan along with all those Cosmo quizzes we've all taken through the years?